With the first pick in the draft, XYZ Network selects Gunner Gameday™, Football Genius
Fans' funny bones are blindsided by an intrepid everyfan that is thrust into gridiron greatness one fateful day in the end
zone stands.
Two Way Threat: Kids get guffaws with Gunner™ on one level, while adults draw on the double entendres,
malapropisms, analogies, and parodies on another.
Scouts Report: Wide-body with a non-stop motor, boggled brain and glib tongue. A can't miss prospect, able to plug
holes in the line-up with hilarious highlights, twisted takes and nutty nuances.
Spongebob scrimmages Vince Lombardi: Gunner Gameday™ will evince Lombardi with a sideline of Spongebobesque
chaotic characters, loony lingo, and madcap mayhem.
First and Wrong: The origin of Gunner Gameday™, Football Genius
Clad in a double-zero jersey, Joe Fan zips his '69 GTO convertible to a screeching stop in the stadium parking lot.
Looking in the rearview mirror, he slaps on face paint, slicks his hair into a mohawk and unhooks his binoculars as
he vaults the car door.
Inside the stadium, bobbing amidst the milling masses, he hits a souvenir stand purchasing a pair of massive muscle
arms (Pump Fakes™). "Joe Fan" is emblazoned on his credit card.
All geared up, he slips into an end zone seat. *snap, fumble, scramble*... Slab, a jumbo O-lineman, unwittingly cleats
the ping-ponging pigskin, popping it as he high-steps over the goal line. Touchdown!!! *swoosh* A blast of air from the
burst ball blows the suds off a fan's beer onto a woman's face, giving her a full beard (beerded lady).
In the back of the end zone, a band member is putting down a big bass drum; a celebratory Slab spots it. Gesturing
wildly, the referee frantically blows his whistle trying to wave off the crazed player. The dumbstruck drum-sticker
shrieks, keeling over as Slab bounds toward the instrument of destruction and unleashes an all-out Lambeau Leap.
*bada-boing*
Looking up in unison, the crowd gasps in horror parting like the Red Sea as an ominous shadow grows larger and
larger over the seats.
The lone exception is Joe Fan, blissfully bolted to his seat, binoculars glued to his grille. We cut to the binoculars'
view and see a tight shot of gyrating cheerleaders.
*KABLAAM!!!* With a seismic stadium smash, the concrete-like Slab pancakes our binocular buddy and it's lights
out! Frantically fanning our flattened friend, a program vendor asks, "What's your name? (echoing) Your name,
name, name..."
Blurry eyed, we see a Gameday Magazine® whirring around at 100 MPH. Groggily glimpsing his gigantic guns, our
hero grunts, "Gameday... I'm Gunner Gameday™."
Epilogue: Gameday Decision
Renowned Sports-Statistician-Physician, Pigskin Froid's™ diagnosis determines it to be in everyone's best interest
to play ball with the Gunner Gameday™ persona as not to shock the patient and wreak irreparable harm. Being that
the entire incident was caught on video tape and witnessed by a zillion fans, and that he could sue their collective
football-pants off "has no direct bearing on the matter whatsoever," maintains the league's phalanx of lefty lawyers.
The "Owners" place Gameday™ and his entire family under the league's "Maximum Protection Plan" giving Gunner™
carte blanche in all football related matters. With wife, Wedge™, daughter Sam™, sons Will™ & Mike™, plus fickle
family pooch, Punt™, Gunner Gameday™ tears up the league with laughter.
Buckle-up your chinstrap 'cause "we're goin" for it" with Gunner Gameday™, Football Genius.